September 23, 2015
Blondes
Disneyland
Two blondes were going to Disneyland.
They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said “Disneyland LEFT.”
They started crying... and turned around and went home.
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, “What's the story?”
He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”
She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her driver’s license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together!
Just yesterday they took my license away and now today you expect me to show it to you?”
AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, “You're not really a redhead, are you?”
“Well, no,” she said, “I'm actually a blonde.”
“I thought so,” the doctor said, “Your finger is broken.”
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!”
“NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT'S A SCARF!”
BLONDE ON TIME
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named “Rolex” and one was named “Timex.”
Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”
“Helllooooo...,” answered the blonde. “They're watchdogs.”
SWIM MEET
In the swim-meet, after the blonde came in last competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to the judges that all the other girls were using their arms.
