SPOOF SPACE BY STEELE CODDINGTON | OCTOBER 1, 2014
Global Warming and Toilet Paper
The more you dig into the Global Warming fiasco the more convincing the evidence becomes that it has developed into a "doctrine" of the radical environmental wackos to disguise their real motive which is to wage war on capitalism. It is an emotional cover that influences the ignorant with false premises that attribute the fault of warming the earth to that evil devil capitalism and free market society. The leftists proclaiming the possibility of rising tides, apocalypse and mankind's demise, based on questionable scientific certainties include the usual radical monetary beneficiaries like Al Gore and a new pigeon named Naomi Klein mentioned recently in Investors Business Daily. Her books promote the left wing hypocrisy with loathing of capitalism and anti-free-market drivel. It mentions her latest book, "The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism," espousing , according to IBD, "pure Marxist demagoguery."
Yeah! "Disaster Capitalism!" The only real economic and political system that, through the rule of law, produces more wealth, well-being and individual freedom than any other system created by mankind. But let's go again for the amazing successes of Marxism/Socialism, etc and celebrate their benefits like the people did in Cuba, Venezuela and Russia. Generations, subject to the imposition of Marxism have enjoyed examples of marvelous social improvement like a national ethos of poverty, alcoholism, depression and hopelessness. Not to mention of course, the deep regard for human life espoused by Mao, Lenin and Stalin, the latter two mentioned recently in National Review with a limerick comparing their accomplishments:
"There once was an old bastard named Lenin
who did two or three million men in.
That's a lot to have done in,
but where he did just one in,
that old bastard Stalin did ten in."
Yet Secretary of State John Kerry has been pedaling the "warming" scare message all over the globe lately, apparently as a warm-up to Obama's Global Warming speech to the United Nations last week citing his immense success at limiting U.S. carbon emissions. The only question left was whether the political methane in his speech exceeded the emissions on the same day from my grandmother's cow Betsy.
But I have good news for the world, and it should collectively thank the Japanese for their astute ability to distinguish what is by far the most important aspect of Global Warming and it's not capitalism. It is toilet paper! If the warming of earth creates the flooding, rising tides and tsunamis, the Japanese government has issued a warning that the country's toilet paper trees could be destroyed. This would create another disaster like the 2011 earthquake when the country's supply of toilet paper was wiped out.
The government, in concert with the Japan Household Paper Industry Association, has devised a "toilet paper supply continuity plan." It urges people to stockpile toilet paper before any catastrophe hits the Shizuoka Prefecture which produces most of the country's toilet paper. Japan's toilet industry is the most sophisticated in the world. It's largest manufacturer, Toto, bills itself as "The Apple of Toilet Tech" and has developed the "Sound Princess" toilet with music to drown out unpleasant noises. We will be forming another PAC to purchase "Sound Princesses" for the White House to help drown out the political gas coming from there on Global Warming and other equally noxious political subjects that really need flushing.
