SPOOF SPACE BY STEELE CODDINGTON  |  DECEMBER 4, 2013

Prune Juice, the ultimate truth

When the price of prune juice goes up in this country, the senior population is in serious trouble. The rising price of a food staple is another blow to the freedom of self-medication. It's a conspiracy aimed at forcing older people to enroll in Obamacare. They need to begin rehearsing how to stand in line and wait for treatment from an arrogant beaurocrat. You know how that works - "Ahh, show me where your heart is so I can check your pulse." My grandfather and his friends are worried because, "Prune juice is our only answer to Obama rhetoric." He wouldn't explain that process to me but it seems to make sense.

My grandfather, at 101, is pleased he can now get Viagra. He's been giving it to his male farm animals, explaining it helps grow their horns. "You know,' he says, "it makes 'em horny." I think I saw a mischievous look in his eye thinking about the mental picture. But there was a grin from ear to ear as he also explained that the contraceptives he's issued under Obamacare will be used on the horns of his animals to keep them dry when it rains. Maybe he's just using Obamacare logic and spreading the wealth.

Actually I'd like to apply for a job as a navigator for Obamacare, but to be honest I'd have to reveal I'm not a radical lefty. Most of that group like to conceal their identities with a less pejorative definition of themselves and go with the title "Progressive." I'm not sure, but I don't think I would qualify for anything connected with Obamacare unless I had previous training with ACORN. Based on revelations that reveal corruption in many government agencies, most people would qualify for employment if they could demonstrate an ability to fail at least three lie detector tests. Or is that only for agencies requiring discrimination against conservatives? As I understand it, under the new employment rules, instead of swearing on The Bible, you put your left hand on a copy of Alinsky's Rules for Radicals and swear at Republicans.

I know some crazies will think my grandfather needs treatment, but the people in this country who really need treatment aren't getting it. For example, do you think those people are insane or just stupid who want to deal with a country that is the greatest exporter of terrorism in the history of the world? Would you negotiate with radicals who, according to experts, are building a bomb with your best friend's name on it?

And though you might not like to admit your best friend is Benjamin Netanyahu, Israel's Prime Minister, and our only friend in the Arab world, would you tell him he has no reason to worry because, "I've got your back." Gee, what's to worry about when a certified nut mullah and all his henchmen threaten to blow you and your country into oblivion? Jeez, they're only a friendly rocket away! Yeah, that Netanyahu is as crazy as my grandfather.

Maybe the people sponsoring Obamacare and those negotiating with Iran could afford a little prune juice. Drink it and spread the wealth of its benefits with the Progressives and the radical Islamists.