DR. DAVE HEPBURN | MARCH 20, 2013
Twitterified
Can’t stop Sealey from tweeting now. When first Wisequacks started tweeting, he would simply stare at the blue bird for hours waiting for some action. Then he tweeted with his annual flossing. But now he tweets every time he is inebriated by noon which is why we have thousands of tweets to choose from and send you these:
-Children should be allowed to believe in Santa as long as they want, experts say. Same with Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and NHL.
-39 States on Pace for Obesity Rates Above 50 percent. Somehow pace and obesity don’t belong in the same sentence, like Krispy Kreme and tofu.
-Gingko biloba not only looks revolting but now found to be 100 percent useless. Turning out to be the Snooki of herbal medicine.
-Apparently people are posting advice on how to do CPR on Twitter...problem is you have to be revived in less than 140 chest compressions.
-Doctors have discovered the latest in digital technology in the fight against prostate cancer...it's called the finger.
-Edible mealworms may be the next high protein food source, better than pork, chicken and beef. Less greenhouse gases and easier to herd.
-Thanks to diabetes and obesity, cases of kidney stones have doubled in the past 20 years. Get fat, get sweet and rock your world.
-STUDY: Apparently red wine can help reduce falling among the elderly. Of course. Hard to fall down when you can’t stand up to start with.
-16,000 genital injuries end up in Emergency per year, many sustained during sports. 70 percent were male due to extended risk factors.
-Head Injury and Pesticide Exposure Triples the Risk of Parkinson’s Disease. Some scientists, however, find the research a little shaky.
-Happier Childhoods Tied to More Wealth as Adults. In unrelated story Donald Trump states he was bottle fed Ecstasy by Martians.
-Alzheimer's Progress Differently in Women, Men. Women lose brain tissue faster in every part except the “remembering mistakes” lobe.
-Doctors are now offering patients choices in their end-of-life care...I’d take the extended warranty with an option to renew.
-STUDY: The Unemployed Are at Higher Risk for Heart Attacks. Employed at higher risk for work-related injuries.
-Many parents take youth concussions too lightly. “Listen Billy, those stars are in my eyes not yours! Now get back in there and make your Mom proud.”
-Monogamy is a rare trait in mammals, possessed by only five percent of species. The 5 percent does not include pigs, rats or men of the male species.
-Grapefruit juice now interferes with at least 85 drugs. Can increase the concentration of a drug by 330 percent! Super Viagra here we come!
-Venomous snakes in USA now found to be major reservoir of deadly EEE arbo virus. So please, no more playing with deadly snakes.
-Apparently a Starbucks barista listens to people better than a doctor...perhaps, but who do you want to see if you have a bad coughy?
-Many pacifiers are unclean and develop a biofilm of disease-causing bacteria. May make babies, supermodels or NHL players ill.
-STUDY: More Kids Get High-Radiation Scans such as CT scans. Radiologist’s opinion of this study found to be positively glowing.
-Glass of wine may increase risk of heart arrhythmia. Whole bottle increases risk that it will stop.
-Speed bumps may speed up diagnosis of appendicitis. Pain going over the bumps may mean appendicitis. Now word yet on hemorrhoids and U turns.
Dr. Dave's book The Doctor is In(sane) is now available for those with a sense of humor and half a sense of health. Learn more and meet Dr. Dave or contact him at www.wisequacks.org.
