BY dR. DAVE HEPBURN | NOVEMBER 21, 2012
Turning of the leaves
Turning of the leaves, nip in the air, dew on car windows, snuggling up to a warm natural gas fire, tomcat curled up by the overflowing litter box, Sunday paper opened to the cryptic crossword, not understanding it again, turn pages to see if Hepburn & Sealey have had a good tweet recently, sigh, do I read their nonsense?, no, not now, maybe never. Back again, bored to tears, pour drink, salt the rim, Beverly calls to say how reading their tweets makes her finally feel superior to doctors, educated... yes, yet...buffoons, such buffoons.
Headline: “KIDS WHO RESIST SWEETS BECOME SLIMMER ADULTS.” Hey, kids who resist sweets aren’t really kids, they’re freaks.
Study:"Benefits from red wine’s resveratrol require drinking 700 glasses/day." Please indicate interest in participating in future studies.
Study found seniors with musical training outperformed others on thinking and memory tests. Study excluded anyone named Keith or Richards.
MiHealth has been designed for smart phones so people can manage their own medical conditions. An app a day might keep the doctor away
Chocolate’s antioxidants may boost brain function! Makers of Smarties vindicated but M&M factory worker fired for throwing out all the W's
Obama signs a law banning bath salts containing a stimulant called MDPV, insuring that this illegal drug will now be a ....smashing success.
Everyone born between 1945 and 1965 should be tested for Hep C. 1 in 30 have it! Turns out that the hippie era has created the heppy era.
40% of retired NFL players suffer from head problems such as depression and dementia. Experts unsure if due to concussions or chlamydia.
Toe walking may be a sign of mental woes. Going to the ballet may be a sign of marital woes.
40 million Americans now addicted to cigarettes, alcohol or drugs but progress is being made says gov’t. Hope to hit 60 million by 2020.
The speed of which we drink alcohol is influenced by the shape of the glass. We drink twice as fast from a curved glass than a straight one proving once again that curves get us in trouble.
Nurses will have to wear a sticker to prove they've had the flu vaccine...those who haven't will have to wear the sticker over their mouth.
Testosterone cream has been proven to safely increase libido in women...male researchers working on method to add it to water supply.
Virus shown to NOT be cause of chronic fatigue syndrome. “We have tried and tried to find a cause for CFS and frankly....we’re exhausted.”
Stress caused by phobic anxiety may cause premature aging. Though the science isn’t completely clear. Apparently still a bit of a grey zone.
For kid’s night time cough due to a cold, honey works better than cough medicine. Earplugs and soundproofing work better than honey.
Nonalcoholic Red Wine Helps Lower Blood Pressure. “The main problem however” researchers note “..is that it’s much harder to get drunk.”
Gene called NCAN discovered that is responsible for manic part of bipolar disease. Hoping to discover the NCANT gene for the depressive part
Those with resistant hypertension more apt to have insomnia. May have something to do with doctors saying “You're going to die soon Ralph!”
40% of Canadians have had to perform emergency first aid, but only 18% are trained to do so...next time you're choking, ask for credentials.
Eunuchs live 15 years longer than non-castrated men. I say die young and leave a happy, dangly, corpse... but Sealey, here’s your crack at longevity.
Patients are demanding that doctors wash their hands between exams...next they'll want us to change needles between injections.
Don’t watch yourself get a needle and you will actually have less pain. Same thing applies to Bachelor Pad.
Study: “Parents fighting may have long term effect on kids.”
Particularly true when the toaster misses and strikes Junior in the teeth.
Apparently the latest trend at college parties is alcohol enemas...let's hope they don't salt the rims.
"Dr. Dave is returning to Africa on safari in September 2013!! If interested in going with him, call 888-432-8344 to find out more."
Dr. Dave is returning to Africa on safari in September 2013!! If interested in going with him, call 888-432-8344 to find out more.
