Spoof Space
BY STEELE CODDINGTON | AUGUST 1, 2012
Bloviation nation ...
Once a month I meet with the “Insanity in Politics Clinic,” a group of highly intelligent observers of the American political scene, trying to figure out if there is anything in the Obama ideology of governing that isn’t a bloviated distortion of the American way of life. “Distortion” as in radical, collective and unworkable in a land founded on belief in individual opportunity. You won’t be surprised to know the clinic membership is graced by a mensa dog, Arbuckle, an angry parrot and my flatulating mare Queenie – mare, for those not familiar with horse lingo is not a head of a bankrupt city but a female horse. This one is a distinguished expert on Methane gas emissions and the related subject of politicians called Bloviating.
Queenie is under consideration for a seat on a Harvard faculty advisory committee whose members were recommended by Al Gore to the Board of Regents as experts with global warming expertise. They would perform as the “Faculty Air Research Team” bearing a suitable acronym. Their job is to disprove recent authentic scientific studies on the methane gas emitted by early plant eating dinosaurs known as sauropods, living about 140 million years ago. The 100 ton Agentinosauras species was over 120 feet long and together they were able to produce more than 520 million tons of methane annually, but never caused one global warming cycle. Today, all the creatures on earth produce about 50 to 100 million tons, along with some small human auto emissions that no-where near match the sauropods.
The Harvard team’s announced mission is to disprove the sauropods study as unreliable. But its real mission is to provide a secret cover for their control of an Obama super PAC representing the education lobby and teachers unions in support of Bloviated politicians who award research grants. Like all liberal academic endeavors involving tenured learned louts posing as professors, they need at least one token “person” like Queenie to authenticate their claim of equality, diversity and transparency, even though she has more horse sense than all of them put together.
However, the purpose of our “clinic” meeting this month was to inform George Will that his description of Donald Trump as a “bloviated ignoramus” was misplaced and we voted for Obama as the great bloviator-in-chief based on his radical ideas for America’s decline as the world’s largest entitlement society. And we include a plagiarized recent blog displaying headlines that will occur in 2050 if the Obama bloviation machine is reelected in 2012:
• IRS sets lowest income tax rate at 75 percent
• Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights
• Constitutional amendment approved substituting government employee unions as the new House of Representatives
• Abortion clinics now mandatory in all U.S. high schools
• Average weight of Americans drops to 300 pounds
• $123 billion senate health study confirms diet and exercise is key to weight loss
• Mexifornia, formerly California, classifies use of voter ID cards as felonies
• Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage
• Last living conservative sentenced to Quantanimo for saying organized crime must be stopped by not reelecting liberal democrats
• Study continues on the mysterious symbolism involved in why George Washington’s face fell off Mt. Rushmore after Obama was reelected in 2012. Work will begin shortly replacing Washington’s face with Obama’s.
More ... Rules for grammar
Analogies in writing are like water on the back of a duck.
The passive voice is to be ignored.
Eliminate commas, that are, not, necessary.
Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
Never use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice.
Kill all exclamation points!!!!
Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth-shattering ideas.
Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
Puns are for children, not groan readers.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
The spell chequer is knot always write.
