Spoof Space
BY STEELE CODDINGTON | MARCH 28, 2012
Dog is America’s best friend ...
My famous talking dog Arbuckle’s favorite dog joke appeared in the comic strip ARGYLE SWEATER. It showed a man in a house directing his dog to go out the front door and pick up the morning newspaper. The dog looks up at the man and starts swearing at him, “Get your own @#!* newspaper ... and take me for a walk before I #!@* on the #!@* carpet.” Under the cartoon the caption says: “CONTRARY TO THE OLD WIVES TALE, A DOG’S MOUTH ISN’T ALWAYS CLEANER THAN A HUMAN’S!” Arbuckle likes the cartoon because it so effectively reverses a false impression or a manufactured myth.And the most dangerous myth in history, in Arbuckle’s opinion, is being perpetrated on a bamboozled American audience by an actor in the White House trying to portray himself as a president. It is a valid conclusion derived from a combination of infallible Border Collie IQ and native dog clairvoyance that gives him a unique ability, like an unmanned mind-reading drone, to read the false impressions and lies of someone who delivers unending phony performances on TV.
Yes, an actor in the White House masquerading as a president. He is the second actor to occupy the place on Pennsylvania Avenue. But there are good actors and there are bad actors. The first actor was Ronald Reagan – a good actor – ethical, decent, open, capable and a leader of the free world who brought the “evil empire” to its knees. A president whose ideology involved conservative political solutions that preserved opportunities to be all you can be and increased the money people earned and kept thanks to lower taxes. By encouraging self sufficiency and self worth through the rewards of capitalism, he demonstrated the flaws and dead-end of entitlement mentalities. His obsession with individual freedom preserved personal rights threatened by union coercion and he fought the inherent corruption of the Public Sector involving mandatory union membership that helped buy dishonest legislators.
The second actor, currently in the White House, performs solely to manipulate the uninformed, carrying on his impersonation with self-serving lies reinforced with phony facts and body language that helps overcome the patent deception of the message. He asks the audience to believe untrue or non-existent accomplishments, and claims credit for illusionary actions that sound good but are totally short on authentication. Like most actors, his real self can’t be as it is portrayed because in reality he is the soul of his radical Czars – Saul Alinsky, Reverend Wright and all his other false gods.
The most revealing cartoon about him recently, displays his face making claims for his government, each reversed as a failure in his following statement:
- Government can fix health care.
- Just look at Medicare and Medicaid.
- Okay, they’re broke. But look at Social Security.
- Okay, it’s broke. But look at the U.S. Post Office.
- Okay, it’s broke. But look at Amtrak.
- Okay, it’s broke. But look at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
- Okay, they’re broke. But look at my new budget.
- Okay, it’s a few trillion in the red, but . . .”
Here’s Arbuckle’s cartoon for the ages: He is standing in the Rose Garden with his paw on Obama’s shoulder saying, “Why don’t you go back to the *@!# Community and get your #@!* self organized.” The caption under the cartoon says: DOG PROVES WHO IS STILL AMERICA’S BEST FRIEND.
The blessed cow
The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused.
Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die."
She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "Don't sell that cow."
Puzzle Solutions
For All Signs: Mercury turns direct on Wed., April 4. Mercury's retrograde phenomenon occurs three times per year so we've all experienced many of them. This particular one has been more challenging than most because of its position in the zodiac at this time. Normally it represents communication and paperwork snarls, shifts in schedules and confusing messages. However this episode of the retrograde has also signified emotional difficulties as well. For many, old and painful history has surfaced to be re-grieved, and challenges to self-esteem have forced a reexamination of issues we thought had been laid to rest. Though not pleasant to experience, the result of reworking these things will generate a stronger definition of self and is ultimately healing.