Spoof Space

BY STEELE CODDINGTON  | MARCH 14, 2012

Share

I’ve got your back ... read my lips

steele coddington“A little bird told me” was how my mother explained how she found out about something I was trying to hide. That must be true because a little canary caged in a room in the White House circulated her version of a recent conversation between Prime Minister Netanyahu (PM) and President Obama. She said they exchanged wonderful old jokes from famous Jewish comedians on the Borscht circuit in N.Y., men like Milton Berle, Red Buttons and Henny Youngman. It all started when Mr. Obama said, “I’ve got your back (covered),” to the Israelis if they were compelled to bomb nuclear facilities in Iran. The PM said, “Can I take that to the bank, or did you say ‘Read my lips’?”

“That’s a good one,” the President said, “but I hope your trip here is not like the gentleman who said, ‘I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.’” The PM laughed and said, “I just wanted reassurance that whatever covers my back isn’t like one of your Obamacare doctors who called my friend Mrs. Cohen and said, ‘Your check for your treatment came back’ and she replied, ‘So did my arthritis!’”

The meaning of that joke is to point out what was promised didn’t work out. Israel’s situation with Iran can be compared to the story about the man who drove his wife to the beauty parlor. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. In other words, things with Iran can get very ugly. When things get ugly divorces happen. As Milton Berle joked, “Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? Because they’re worth it!” The PM said, “‘I’ve got your back’ means no divorce is possible if we are to prevent nuclear chaos in the area.”

The two leaders discussed their economies and the President said, “We’re in good shape as long as the Federal Reserve can continue to print money.” The PM explained that they have a saying for a more dependable course of action – i.e. “Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? Answer, under the vacuum cleaner!” (Responsible economics) But the President thought he could always raise taxes because everyone can afford to contribute more, like the elderly gentleman who was hit by a car. The paramedic asks, “Are you comfortable?” and the man replies, “I make a good living.” (Evidence that more people can pay more taxes.)

The final friendly exchange involved Healthcare when the PM visited a hearing clinic in DC and told the doctor his ailment, “I have a ringing in my ears.” The doctor said “Don’t answer!” Following up, the doctor said, “Mr. Prime Minister, you’ll live to be 65,” and the PM said, “I am 65.” The doctor said, “See, what did I tell you?” The PM responded, “Old age in Israel is never guaranteed with neighbors like Iran holding a nuclear option,” and waved goodbye to the canary. The little birdie had told him that if Obama’s Secretary of Defense testified in Congress that the U.S. would get permission from the UN before it committed to anything in the Middle East, it could mean that “I’ve got your back,” has changed to “Read my lips.” Shalom.


GBA banner

Share


Did I read that right?

Did I read that right?
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

In a department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK – DOORBELL TEMPORARILY OUT OF ORDER)

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

In an office:
AFTER COFFEE BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE COFFEE POT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE MOST ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG. PICK UP A WONDERFUL BARGAIN.

Puzzle Solutions