Spoof Space

BY STEELE CODDINGTON  | DECEMBER 21, 2011

The right kind of gestures

Several years ago I was quietly sipping a morning cup of coffee in a local Starbucks with my wife, happily dividing my attention between the depressing news in the morning newspaper and people watching. The enjoyable coffee house scene always featured amazingly new and weirder hair-dos and odd outfits, all part of the constant parade of fellow coffee addicts in for their fix.

An elderly gentleman, not in line for coffee, edged his way up to us and politely said, “Good morning.” He was nicely dressed and had such an engaging smile on his face I thought he was going to ask a question. Instead, he said, “I just wanted to say hello and compliment you (pointing at me) for being with such a lovely lady (pointing at my wife).” Needless to say, we both smiled brightly and laughed appreciatively – she, because he referred to her as a lovely lady, which she is, and me because he made me feel good by complimenting me on my exquisite taste.

To reciprocate, I asked if I could buy him a coffee. “No thanks,” he said, “you both returned my smile, so I’ve had my reward. I try to make at least two people each day happy enough to smile.” With even bigger smiles on our faces, we thanked the man. “My pleasure,” he said and walked away with his own happy grin.

The old gentleman’s image has been with me for years now. His thoughtful gesture has become a part of my behavior and like him, I try to repeat the ritual every day, sometimes just reaching out to strangers with a friendly smile, hoping to provoke a happy smile in return.

I appreciate that the gesture is only a small token in the course of someone’s life time that obviously doesn’t rise to the level of some sort of profound epiphany or Hollywood style transformative awakening – just a tiny considerate act. But capable of possibly germinating a scintilla of joy in what might otherwise be another day with no friendly exchange with another human being, and a chance that by some slight miracle they might adopt the old gentleman’s mission like I did.

My own initial clamber aboard the elderly gentleman’s train came to fruition shortly after meeting him while observing shoppers in a super market or walking down the usual sidewalk. Everywhere, it seemed, too many absorbed in their own self interest could benefit in some small way from more advocates of what I describe as budding evangelism in a minor key. I even wrote humorous newspaper articles describing how people should lighten up and try smiling at other people. I told them I would be monitoring the town by walking around with my dog Arbuckle who was trained to bite anyone who didn’t return my warm smile. Believe it or not, a lot of people we bumped into kissed Arbuckle and hugged me.

Here’s a wonderful suggestion: take a clue from an ad I just noticed in this issue of Arizona’s most interesting newspaper. Massage Therapist Gina Tatum whose great philosophy – “Healing the planet, one body at a time,” is easily adapted to my “message” because a smile is kind of a mouth massage that can make your lips and soul feel better if you believe as I do that, “One smile can brighten the planet, one person at a time.”

Clever Heavy Scientific Stuff

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
365.25 days = 1 unicycle
2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
52 cards = 1 decacard
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
10 rations = 1 decoration
100 rations = 1 C-ration
2 monograms = 1 diagram
4 nickels = 2 paradigms
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League
100 Senators = Not 1 decision

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December 14 - 20, 2011

For All Signs: The winter solstice this year is timed at 12:30 a.m. on the 22nd. This is the point of deepest darkness in the northern hemisphere. Ancients celebrated the "return" of the Sun within a few days following the solstice, when it became apparent that it would, indeed, return. On both Hanukkah and Christmas we celebrate the light that never quite goes out inside, no matter how dark it may seem in the world. We rejoice in the ongoing rebirth of hope for new life within our psyches and on the planet. May each of you experience fresh inspiration and expectation of joy in the year to come!

Aries: Your frame of mind is more than a little bit maverick at this time. You may be compelled to declare your freedom in every direction. It won’t make a lot of friends on the playground, but this feels truly mandatory now. If your energy is directed toward social justice, there will be many on your side.

Taurus: Aspects are favored related to education, the law, publishing, the Internet, or your religious organization. Someone is in the background who is your “secret” supporter and promoter. You are thinking on your feet right now. All in all, a very fine week for the Bulls.

Gemini: It is of paramount importance that you control your mouth this week. Although you have an opinion about whatever is happening, let it go and say nothing unless asked for it. Being "right" is not as important as maintaining human relations. Later you can take action to correct what you perceive is wrong, but for now you will be challenged to a fight.

Cancer: Give special attention to unusual messages or to new people who enter your life during this time. A “teacher” crosses your path in the form of a person, a book, or the right message that will steer you in the next favorable direction. As an aside, it may feel important to organize your closets or files at this time.

Leo: You have your eye on the big picture and it looks grand indeed. A word of caution: your optimistic attitude and belief that you are right could cause you to become arrogant. If you want others to join your ride, give them a special place on the wagon. Share the glory.

Virgo: You have a troubling relationship that needs some kind of a finale. You may have a skirmish now that causes you to decide you are done. However, it is just a bit soon to make an ultimate decision and something inside you is aware of that. Give it about one more month.

Libra: Your overall creativity is high at this time. Romance and social life are given a lift. Avoid any action that could be construed as an “attack”, whether verbal or physical. It would cost more than the satisfaction is worth. Do not take the initiative in any skirmish.

Scorpio: There is tension between you and a family member or a friend. You are coming closer to a decision on a situation that has been on hold for a few weeks. Somehow the right solution will evolve if you concentrate upon the reality of who you truly are. Watch your tone of voice. It could easily turn icy.

Sagittarius: You will be issuing opinions many times this week. Your ability to see the big picture is important to those around you. Use absolute discretion when speaking of other persons, lest your statements return to bite you. Aspects are positive in the financial department now.

Capricorn: The “rules” and the world’s expectations have you tied up like a pretzel. The harder you struggle, the tighter those binds seem to become. It’s like a Chinese puzzle. Sometimes if you relax on the control issues, the solution comes through. Present the issue to your higher Self and give it some space.

Aquarius: Venus has entered your sign this week and will be traveling "with you" through Jan. 13th. Her presence gives you an air of poise and people will simply like how you look. She is a people attractor. Often when Venus is prominent we become more interested in art forms and things of beauty.

Pisces: Aspects favor writing, communing with friends and associates, and even expressing yourself to a greater world than is norm. Your ideas are fully grounded and they make sense to a great many people. You have a grasp of the big picture and could use this energy to promote your projects and gain support. Let people know what you think.

Are you interested in a personal horoscope? Vivian Carol may be reached at 704-366-3777 for private psychotherapy or astrology appointments. Visit www.horoscopesbyvivian.com.