Spoof Space
BY STEELE CODDINGTON | OCTOBER 26, 2011
Government greed and its evil purveyors
Based on everything the Spoof Space Corporation can gather about the Occupy Wall Street rhubarb (a fruit that leaves a sour taste in your mouth), including blogs, conversations and reports from every lefty, nutcase, radical, disruptive, and revolutionary as well as the merely confused, doped up, captive and misguided, we have enough intelligence to simulate a conversation between our highly incisive Spoof Space reporter (SSR) and two OWS protesters Che’ and Bunnie (OWSP). Our interview starts deep in the garbage of Zuccotti Park, Manhatten, just north of two portapotties advertising Moveon.org. SSR: “Hi. I represent a group of tax payers and we’re trying to find out what’s going on up here. Can you and your girl friend enlighten me?”
OWSP: “Yeah, we wanted to graduate to a higher level of failure after the Wisconsin government employee, labor union fiasco. Here it’s a kitchen blender protest, throwing all our leftover BS in the pot and hoping something that doesn’t smell too bad will come out.”
SSR: “That’s constructive. What are those people under the wiggling blanket behind you protesting?”
OWSP: “They’re training in community organizing.”
SSR: “That’s exciting. So what’s your beef, slogan, bitch or complaint?”
OWSP: “We aren’t getting our fair share of corporate greed. Corporations are stealing money that belongs to us middle class workers.”
SSR: “Have you ever worked for a corporation?”
OWSP: “Worked? Are you kidding? Who can get a job anywhere these days with Obama’s keep-me-in-the-office jobs plan? Oops – let me rephrase that – our leaders want us to say inspiring things about the President so he can be more convincing about class welfare, so we don’t alienate rich corporate donors dumb enough to donate to his reelection.”
SSR: “Right. Shift from whine and blame, as Charles Krauthammer recently wrote in the WSJ, to attack, indict and accuse the rich and the Republicans. Attack – the only arrow left in Obama’s quiver of failure, to provide cover and distraction.”
OWSP: “Yes, and our rhyming attack ad slogans are deep: ‘TAX THE RICH and BITCH, BITCH, BITCH,’ and ‘Corporate greed, what’s the fuss? It’s all okay if you split with us.’”
SSR: “Yes Che’, there is greed everywhere, but you fail to focus on the greediest of all greed – GOVERNMENT GREED. Here’s a corporate analogy even a pothead can understand. Pretend that the world’s largest corporation is the United States of America. Barack Obama is CEO of CorpUSA, in charge of how it performs.
“Every citizen who pays taxes and votes is like a stock holder in CorpUSA because they are funding it. Every American is a customer of CorpUSA, able to participate in the benefits it makes available through its corporate charter called a Constitution, guaranteeing inalienable individual freedoms.
“Like all corporations, the Board of Directors’ principal responsibility is to make sure the corporation runs smoothly and at all costs avoids bankruptcy. CorpUSA’s Board unfortun-ately, with its own evil agenda, consists of a blue-ribbon panel of demon-strated failures: Obama, Democrats in Congress, White House Czars, Van Jones, Rev. Wright, Saul Alinsky, Bill Ayers, Pelosi, Reid and a bunch of academia farmers who think money grows on trees.
“Their combined ideol-ogies, performance and results have massively bankrupted CorpUSA. The bankruptcy indictment lists the following “felonies”: government greed, spending money it doesn’t have, lack of leadership, class warfare, 25 percent real unemploy-ment, introduction of Obamacare, punishing success through higher taxes, and edging capitalism ever closer toward Putin/Chavez style socialism.”
OWSP: “Could you simplify that a little?”
SSR: “Yes, graphically. When you and Bunnie are Community Organizing, GOVERNMENT GREED is doing the same thing to the rest of the country.”
You might be too old to Trick or Treat when:
You have to go home to rest and use the john.
You're the only Power Ranger with a walker.
You have to carefully choose a costume that covers your "bald spot."
By the end of the night, you have a several restraining orders.
When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or ...' And can't remember the rest.
People say: 'Boris Karloff Mask,' and you're not wearing a mask.
When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall.
You ask for high fiber candy.
You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
You get winded from knocking on the door.
Puzzle Solutions
For All Signs: Venus, goddess of love beauty and harmony, continues to traverse troubled waters. This is a time that will test the meddle of our relationships. Dormant or hidden tensions that are gnawing at the edges of any relationship are likely to become apparent now. Make an effort to recognize the difference between ego conflicts and genuine differences of opinion. In ego conflicts we posture and wave our feathers. We operate with false pride and do battle for the sake of being “right.” If the differences are truly profound we may decide the relationship is not worth the effort to move forward.