Spoof Space

BY STEELE CODDINGTON  | JUNE 22, 2011

The Weiner fallout

Is the Weiner roast over? Not really, because it’s a mind-set that’s on trial. The most bazaar political side show ever, featured Anthony I-love-my-body Weiner, Congressman and extinguished advocate of ultra-liberal causes just as irrational as his personal sexual exploits. It’s too bad it had to take separate and distinct kinky sexual communiqués to expose a mind and personality totally missing any sense of judgment or regard for consequences.

One of the disturbing revelations of the poster-boy and point-man for many of the misguided leftist agendas for America is the realization that his strident advocacy of Obama’s ideological programs to change America, is just as lacking in common sense as his sexually deviant behavior. The inability to evaluate the consequences of social improprieties is even more disastrous when the same inability to think clearly is applied to the imposition of political courses of action that will permanently damage the country’s economy and lead to catastrophic national bankruptcy. Waving the class-warfare flag of redistribution of wealth in the name of social justice give-aways is more about getting reelected than fulfilling “tear jerking” liberal recitations of phony manufactured social needs they think can only be fixed with obscene increases in government spending and political gifts to the likes of ACORN, unions and the education lobby.

So what do I really think? I think the timing is perfect for our introduction of this Spoof Space Q and A column last month, dedicated to answering questions from confused members of recognized terrorist groups in hiding, seniors trying to cope with cell phones, smart phones, computers, prostate problems, Medicare, Viagra, Social Security, arthritis, higher taxes and the chronically unemployed, wishing Obama would just go away with George Soros.

This week’s first question is from Sparky in Queens, N.Y.

Dear Dr. S: I recently saw a cartoon showing President Obama saying, “I won’t allow the half of Americans who pay NO taxes to bear the burden of the other half who aren’t paying their fair share.” That sounds pretty reasonable. What do you think?

Dear Sparky: It only sounds reasonable if you live in California, N.Y. or Michigan and admire representatives like Anthony Weiner, who think redistributing America’s wealth will save the universe and stop global warming. Obama and Weiner types want to increase taxes on the top 10 percent of income earners who currently pay 70 percent of all income taxes collected. You must be smoking the same fuzzy smoke and mirrors they are, Sparky!

From Hortense in Sacramento: What can we do with politicians who love their bodies, lie and abuse the public’s trust socially and legislatively?

Dear Hortense: Politicians should be treated NO differently than food. They need to be grilled. Inspected for false labeling. Figuratively speaking, sampled (taste testing) for common sense and subject to recall for causing Salmonella of the mind, lying and/or false body advertising. Man’s eternal quest for a comfortable pillow needs to be redirected to examining politicians for soft heads, compulsive crotch chicanery and liberal brain-wash.

Code word

An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery. During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!"

Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen." From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen."

This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.

Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. "You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can't believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!"

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest.

But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said - "I don't know why you're laughing; your wife fell three times last week!"

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June 22 – 28, 2011

For All Signs:  We arrived at the summer solstice on June 21.  This is the point of the year at which the northern hemisphere is tilted closest to the sun.  The solstices and equinoxes throughout the years 2010, 2011, and 2012, are especially significant points in time on this planet.  Give attention to the main events both one month before and after the solstice.  There will be a global message.  The spring equinox gave us the Japanese earthquake and tsunami.  Message to the world:  clean up nuclear energy plants;  care about clean water as our most valuable resource.  The events around this summer solstice should echo previous earth messages.

Aries:  Mars, your ruling planet, shifts your attention to fresh territory.  During the next six weeks, your activities and feelings will be intensified in the life sector related to vehicles, short distance travels, errands, communications, education, your neighborhood, and siblings.  Use caution while driving because your accelerator foot may be a bit itchy.

Taurus:  You may have a tendency during this period to slide into old and outmoded patterns of emotional behavior.  Maybe this will be brought on by the re-entry of someone in your life.  While it may be fun for a short time, very quickly you will become fatigued with it and shake loose of that outdated habit. 

Gemini the Twins:  Your attitude about yourself is not altogether accurate right now.  You may think way too much of your ideas, or alternately, you may see yourself as lower than scum.  Neither one is accurate and you should probably not make decisions of any importance this week.  Spiritual pursuits are given a "go" signal.

Cancer the Crab:  (June 21 – July 22)  People of the past may resurface.  You will be glad to see these individuals, but more likely you will be reminded why they are no longer in your life.  Somehow they are associated with old wounds in your life and you would just as soon let those memories go back to the ethers.

Leo:  The early part of the week runs smoothly.  You will be hearing good comments about yourself.  However, someone at the workplace or in your routine life may want to challenge you to a battle of wills.  It is important that you stay in touch with your best self and step aside from any sort of ugly scenario. 

Virgo:  You may be feeling irritable and a little nervous.  You can’t be sure whether someone significant in your life is really telling you the truth or treating you honestly.  The probability is that there is some sort of deception present.  Take good care of yourself and your personal boundaries.

Libra:  You may encounter someone from your past in education.  Maybe this is some type of class reunion.  The two of you will have a fine time reminiscing together.  It is also possible that someone from the past will find you through the Internet, as is so often done these days.  Travel plans will be altered.

Scorpio:  You are concluding a cycle of several weeks at this time. Your attention will begin to shift toward issues of intimacy and partnership, joint and corporate financial matters, taxes, and/or estate and business planning.  A disappointment in one of these areas this week likely will cause you to become tougher and more self-reliant. 

Sagittarius:  If you have been hoping for “help” in the area of resources, this is the week it will arrive.  It can come through an approved loan, insurance payoff, partner’s resources, or a good investment.  A friend may offer to give you time, assistance, or a loan.

Capricorn:  Others in your life will be drawing deeply from your emotional resources.  It is fine to hold onto your boundaries and not give away the store.  If you go too far, you will become resentful or irritable and that won’t help anyone.  Work toward balance between giving and self-care.

Aquarius:  Surprise, changeability, and general rebellion are the qualities prominent this week.  You may be the one who feels rebellious and wants to be left alone.  Or it could be your partner or a good friend.  You need to operate individually now, so it doesn’t matter.  Tend to your vehicle if it complains. 

Pisces:  Take every precaution not to abuse your body during this period.  Drugs or alcohol could have peculiar side effects that you don't understand.  You are in a low physical cycle and will be unable to push yourself as hard as normal on any physical task.  Your body/feelings will right themselves in July.

Vivian Carol, MA in Counseling Psych, may be reached at 704.366.3777 for private psychotherapy or astrology appointments. (There is a fee.) www.horoscopesbyvivian.com