SpoofSpace
BY STEELE CODDINGTON | MARCH 30, 2011
Proverbs and nursery rhyme guidance
One of the things that can keep children from going nuts before they have to fathom the idiocies of the world at large and how liberal governments work, or more accurately, don’t work – is a solid foundation in the art of interpreting nursery rhymes and proverbs that have been formulated as a consequence of life’s ugly realities. Both of those sources of guidance will allow children to better evaluate choices in life, even if they, like the current dummies running the U.S., have no clear idea of how to make decisions. Too many kids these days reach high school age knowing nothing more than how to whiten their teeth or express their freedom with a tattoo, but with no functioning brain. They’ve never been exposed to the inherent truth of proverbial conclusions and nursery rhymes that have historically alerted body and soul to the dangers of bad ideas, sin, nightly news, liberal media and the fruitcakes running their government as a debt factory.
But we have to be careful so they aren’t misinformed – for example:
“Breathes there a woman with soul so dead
That never to her husband said,
‘Move over, give me half the bed.’”
That is not a nursery rhyme or a proverb. It is a mere anachronism coined by Susan B. Anthony, but since made obsolete by the manufacture of king-size beds. WHEREAS however, the saying, “When in doubt, whip it out,” is proverbial because it became a warning to law enforcement officers involving the imminent threat of bodily harm from a felon, if an officer hesitates too long to address a confrontation. The phrase should be the motto of the Taser Corporation of Arizona whose product substantially reduces officer exposure when used. The same recommendation applies to whipping out a Glock in time. “Be too patient and you might be one,” is good advice against hesitation.
But back to the essential message that nursery rhymes, etc. reveal wisdom not available from authorities using teleprompters or false proclamations. For example, if the marijuana lobby says, “Smoking is not healthy, but if you feel compelled to smoke, use something that can make you feel good – like marijuana.” Loco logic!
Better advice is found in “The Wise Old Owl” nursery rhyme:
“A wise old owl lived in an oak,
Refused offers of bad stuff to smoke.
And the more he saw the less he spoke.
The less he spoke the more he heard.
We all should listen to the wise old bird.”
And speaking of the wise old owl, his brother is featured in another nursery rhyme, “The Owl and the Pussycat” by poet Edward Lear in 1806, predicting in code how to illustrate the confusion of an American president in the year 2011 and how he might screw up the country’s foreign affairs:
“He went to sea in a beautiful pea green boat (military action)
He dined on mince and slices of quince (bad intelligence)
Which he ate with a runcible spoon (mis-read enemy)
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand (coalition forces)
They danced by the light of the moon.” (wondering what to do next)
If Alexander the Great didn’t say, “Dancing is not a substitute for leadership,” he should have!
Three beers
An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.
An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.
Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?"
"Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies. "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."
The bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.
Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening. He orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.
The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know – the two beers and all.
The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."
