A Change Of Pace

Mullet Over
Be on the lookout for wild apple trees

By James K. White | August 13, 2008

James K WhiteThe Olympics used to have an event called speed rope climbing. I would imagine that few people my size (and shape) ever made the finals.

Have you ever seen interesting films of authentic battles from World War I? A professor at Yale doubts that you have. After an extensive study, he has stated that there are apparently no such films in existence. All films of those war events were staged and were never actual combat settings.

Since 1600, scientists state there have been at least 116 bird species that have become extinct. That information is alarming, but what may soon be even more catastrophic is that the same genre of scientists have identified 1047 species of birds that could cease to exist if current trends of dwindling populations continue.

In 1902 the famous singer Caruso made his debut at Covent Garden in London. In 1903 he made the world’s first million selling record – On with the Motley. I suppose the song was more renown in 1903.

Some people have rather common jobs and yet rise to fame. A Scottish lad worked long hours for years as a farm laborer and yet found time to write. I make reference to Robert Burns.

Rugby Union games consist of two teams of 15 players taking the field to do controlled combat. Very little (if any) protective equipment is worn as men pound and grab each other for two forty minute periods (separated by a five minute break). What is even more curious to me is that only two injury substitutions are permitted for each team. If more than two participants are disabled, then the “game” continues with fewer players.

Do you have trouble completing tasks begun? This idiosyncrasy could indicate that you are talented or something. That celebrated author Goethe began working on his masterpiece Faust in 1772. He finally got around to publishing the finished work some 60 years later in 1832.

A group of scientists claim to have found bacteria lying dormant under thick ice sheets in Antarctica. According to these learned people, evidence indicates that this really tough form of life is still alive after lying inactive for approximately 600,000 years.

The popularity of the Granny Smith apple was apparently the result of a young woman in Australia finding a wild tart apple tree growing in the countryside. She cultivated seedlings from the original plant for several decades. She had been dead several years when her grandchildren entered some of the fruit in a fair and called the apples Granny Smith. The name and the fruit now have worldwide recognition.

Many health “experts” claim that split pea soup would be far more accepted if it had a different name and a different color. Perhaps. I might add that I would likely be more accepted if I had a different face.

Well, be on the lookout for wild apple trees and … have a great week.


Retirement is different for everyone!

The Nursing Home
One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home.
On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass.
I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.
On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.
This time my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator. 'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?'
“Yes,” she said. “They're retired prostitutes – they're having a yard sale.”

Having fun is good for your health
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting and an old guy said:
Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.'
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.'
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said “Obama in '08.”
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.

Skinny Dipping
An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up very nicely, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral of the story: Old men may move slow but can still think fast.