It’s hot where you’re going

God Bless America

These thieves will need air conditioning where they are going

The Akron, Ohio Alliance Fellowship Church hardly had an occasion to use its brand new $3,500 air conditioning unit when it was stolen, reports the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. The police were called in to find the perpetrators but Pastor Gus Brown may be hoping that the thieves will repent and return it and he posted a notice on the church bulletin board in front of the church. It reads in large letters, “Whoever stole our AC Unit: Keep it. It’s hot where you’re going.”

The family fortune was hanging in the kitchen

An elderly woman in a town near Paris hit the jackpot when she decided to have what she thought was an old religious icon hanging in her kitchen appraised, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. It turned out that the painting, which had been in the family for some time, was in fact an exceptionally valuable painting, known as The Mocking of Christ, by the 13th century Florentine artist Cenni di Pepo who is considered by experts to be “the father of Western painting.” It’ll be put up for auction soon and it’s expected to fetch as much as $6 million.

The toilet is still missing

The police are still looking for the robbers who stole the toilet in Britain’s Blenheim Palace, where Winston Churchill was born, are still on the loose, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. It was a particularly rich haul for the thieves; the working commode, which was installed in the palace as part of an exhibition, was made of solid 18-carat gold and was worth some $5 million.