My bathrooms had been cleaned

God Bless America

A heavenly libation

The blessed beer brewers of Belgium will begin brew beer after a 224 year hiatus, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. The monks at a monastery in the town of Grimbergen north of Brussels had been brewing beer since the 13th Century. French troops raided the abbey and put them out of business in 1795.  Father Karel Stautemas told Reuters, “For us, it’s important to look to the heritage, to the tradition of the fathers for brewing beer because it was always here.” The news agency explained that: “Grimbergen’s monks will follow the rules of Belgium’s Trappist beer makers, even if they are not a Trappist order, requiring them to brew within the abbey walls, control the brewing and steer profits toward maintaining the abbey and supporting charitable causes.”

In there stepped a stately Raven,” as Poe put it

They are breathing a sigh of relief in Great Britain. Four raven chicks were born recently in the 1,000 year old Tower of London, the first in some three decades. According to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC], the lack of newborn raven chicks over such a long period of time raised the specter, in some circles, that the Tower and the Kingdom would be doomed. Ravenmaster Christopher Skaife told reporters the black birds would secure the future. “After all, legend tells us that should the ravens leave the Tower of London it will crumble into dust and a great harm will befall the kingdom.”

These thieves really cleaned up

It must have been pretty scary when Nate Roman and his five-year-old son returned to their Marlborough, MA home recently. The Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] says they found the back door wide open. It was pretty obvious that someone had broken in while they were away and, indeed, it was a clear-cut case of breaking and entering, which the police are taking seriously despite the fact that nothing had been taken. In fact, not only was there no damage or loss from this particular home invasion, whoever the culprit was, he or she or them must have had only the best intentions. It seems they cleaned the Roman home. In Nate’s own words: “You could smell the cleaning chemicals. I could tell something was wrong so I started looking around the house, and I found that my bathrooms had been cleaned.” The only clue the police found when they searched the property was an origami rose fashioned out of toilet paper.