Spoof Space
BY STEELE CODDINGTON | OCTOBER 13, 2010
DUMBing down America
My political advisors and I went to the zoo as a last resort to get some rationally balanced opinions on what the hell Obama’s real agenda is. As a former Orangutan myself, in an earlier life, I thought a poll of similarly hairy friends could enlighten me, but the level of intelligence of the residents wasn’t any better than the I.Q.s of the rulers-of-change in Washington. Unfortunately there weren’t any smart dogs in the zoo, so I called Border Collies International who helped gather a conspicuously distinguished Telephone Panel with a goal of assessing what Obama and his liberal hail-to-the-chief yes-people in Congress are trying to do to America.
The Panel developed an explanatory brief so disturbingly explicit in its expose’ of the Obama agenda that it could end up in the Smithsonian. The evil agenda has been brilliantly reduced to a simple acronym that even people coerced into membership of leftist unions who read it could experience a life changing revelation. The Panel’s acronym describing Obama’s charade … is DUMB (as in stupid). Each of the letters stand for a phase of the Obama agenda, but must be applied backwards, i.e. BMUD, to understand the sequence of the calculated steps to change America. The letters stand for each phase – B=brainwash; M=manipulate; U=undermine; and D=demolition.
Brainwash is the function of the leftist bias of the “state run” major media, epitomized recently by the “JournoGate” expose’ involving liberal journalists who helped steer the election of Obama. Uninformed people are brainwashed by news slanting and editorializing political issues, omitting damaging information – all to paint Obama as a savior who can “change” America like a new diaper.
Manipulate and expand the functions of government to increase control over all aspects of the country and reward liberal constituencies. Empower unions with “card check”. Use slush funds, entitlements and favorable legislation to pay back wacko environmentalists, etc. Enact gun control and the fairness doctrine” to control talk radio. Enact tax increases on individuals and businesses to spread the wealth.
Undermine how you feel about America and its institutions. Appoint liberal judges to “interpret” the law, Constitution and amendments to effect change without legislative approval. Foster victimology to reward trial lawyers and enlarge government bureaucracies. Punish private enterprise with excessive taxes and add stealth oriented new ones like Value Added and Transaction taxes. Nationalize industries and create controlling government bureaucracies so we mirror the old USSR and Cuba. All paths to social devastation, despair and hopelessness.
Demolition. Ever see a building demolished on TV? All it takes to bring it down is explosives placed at the foundation, supporting beams and protective walls. Same effect on a country and its economy with excessive government spending, national deficits, monetizing the debt and emasculating national defense. Goodbye country.
If a mere Panel of Border Collies can reach conclusions that reflect the mood of our country, maybe the DUMBing down of America isn’t just a pet peeve. Dogs are man’s best friends and excel at recognizing a threat just by the smell of it. Obama’s agenda fails their smell test.
Paraprosdokian sentences – Part 2
A "paraprosdokian" is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
• There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
• We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
• War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Patriot Humor
A Publication of the Patriot Post
Your Horoscope by Madame Bournard
ARIES (MAR. 21 - APRIL 19)
The news may provide sound advice or information about learning something new. Use some time to work in the yard, or work on a unfinished project. Try not to get into an argument with a significant other.
TAURUS (APR. 20 – MAY 20)
You may be tested this week. Keep calm. Don’t show jealousy. Use compromise and cooperate with family and friends. You may have to help a family member or listen to their problems.
GEMINI (MAY 21 –JUNE 20)
You may have changes in plans this week or possibly relationship issues. Check out health concerns, you may need to take some time for yourself. Don’t put it off!
CANCER (JUN 21 – JULY 22)
Do some early holiday shopping a little at a time to look for bargains since money is tight. Social situations leads to communication with others, which may bring to new possibilities.
LEO (JULY 23- SEPT. 22)
You may encounter problems at work/home this week. Don’t argue any more than you need to. Issues may arise with financial limitations or problems. On the weekend you need to socialize and unwind.
VIRGO (AUG. 23 –AUG 22)
Take control of a working problem and head it off before it gets out of control. You are by nature a homebody, so Sunday is a good day to indulge yourself. Make it a lazy day.
LIBRA (SEPT. 24- OCT.23)
Family issues will take time. To accomplish things in spite of health or work concerns, be ready to analyze the situation carefully. Hard work will help you progress toward your future goals.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23- NOV. 21)
Change is good for you; you may be ready for new or more exciting things to happen in your life. Your feelings about a relationship may be weighing on your mind – sort them out to the best of your ability and move forward!
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22- DEC. 21)
You may have had some things in the works you need to start up again. Tying up loose ends may open up solutions to other problems; keep your mind open to new things.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22- JAN 19)
There may be good news at work, or possibly a new venture. A break in your normal routine will prove somewhat fun. A friend may tell you something that will bring you closer.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20- FEB. 18)
If you ever wonder about families and their secrets, it is one of those weeks! No facts will be revealed to you. Your social life will pick up in the next few weeks. Enjoy your passion for life.
PISCES (FEB. 19- MAR. 20)
You are basically a charming person; however, you need to promote your charm and improve your image at work. At home try to clean up and improve your surroundings.
