Spoof Space
Is there something funny going on in D.C.?
By Steele Coddington | May 12, 2010
My grandmother had a great sense of humor, sharpened by the experiences of her pioneer resilience to hardship. She felt sorry for people who couldn’t see humor in anything, but complained about everything. With a twinkle in her eye, she loved to offer a bit of “suck it up” advice by rolling her eyes and muttering, “Life’s a bitch and then you die.” It was her way of saying, “Lighten up and get a life, for crying out loud.” Really, who wants to earn an inscription on their gravestone like: “Here lies Harry. He never cracked a smile,” or “Here lies Harriet, she certainly didn’t die laughing.” But these days pragmatism suggests that you will have lots of time to chisel your own message on your headstone before you bite the dust, waiting for treatment under Obamacare.
Do humans have to be born with a sense of humor? Sigmund Freud, a psychiatrist, did extensive research on humor and ended up pointing out only what constitutes humor. Not who, if or why a particular person recognizes humor when it’s present. Freud, as many of my student readers will remember, was the father of the psychiatric determination that in reality, everyone is strange, but no one is a stranger to pervasive fantasies about weird sexual proclivities. Yes, I’m talking about you, so you don’t have to be sneaking glances at the person next to you.
I don’t know why, but Freud’s writings are always difficult for me to read with my clothes on. It’s hell reading him in a library or when it’s cold. But it’s comforting to realize that if someone sees you nude in a library, they aren’t allowed to yell. All they can do is point. Or laugh. As they say, nudes in the library can be read like an open book. Or that’s what they should say. Quietly, of course.
Interestingly, most doctors have a sense of humor. According to my Medical Encyclopedia, the reason is because they see so many naked humans. Humans are a source of endless mirth, especially if they wear black socks when naked. Ever wonder if doctors joke with each other after treating a patient? Don’t worry, they all do. In fact I heard my own doctor through the walls of the examining room say to his nurse, “If Mrs. Smutz puts on any more weight, she can qualify as a sumo wrestler or hire on as ballast for a shipping company.” Physicians need a sense of humor, or more of them would be in the loony bin currently reserved for global warming advocates.
In college I had a distinguished professor who defined humor as “the intellectual grasp of the incongruous.” An unforgettable definition because incongruous is such a delightful word, suggesting something slightly askew, or inconsistent in a way that when considered intellectually, it is – “Humorous.”
Satire is considered a close relation of humor because it adds sarcasm and is consequently more apropos for a regime in Washington missing any connection with the word “intellectual.” For example, the administration’s new anti-flatulation policy for the Navy’s submarines, “Don’t ask, don’t smell.” Good grief you can no longer flatulate at will in the close quarters of a submarine. (Unless of course, he’s in the room.)
How terribly incongruous coming from the most gasaholic administration in the history of governments. Sounds like a senseless rule that might be insisted on as a worker’s “right” by another branch of government like SEIU or AFL-CIO without a vote.
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut ...
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
Your Horoscope by Madame Bournard
ARIES (MAR. 21 - APRIL 19)
The New Moon is positive in your income sector. Take or plan a trip, or do some advertising to increase business and make more money.
TAURUS (APR. 20 – MAY 20)
New ideas affect you personally. It is a good time to take a new class about something that interests you. Beware of arguments in helping a friend or doing a favor.
GEMINI (MAY 21 –JUNE 20)
You’re off to a good start this week – your spirits are high. You may have good news about your future. Do some things around the house you have been putting off.
CANCER (JUN 21 – JULY 22)
This is a good week to promote partnership and friendships. You have some real challenges but don’t give up; everything will pull together soon.
LEO (JULY 23- SEPT. 22)
The New Moon in your sector brings brightness to you and reaffirms your confidence. Start sending out resumes and meeting new friends.
VIRGO (AUG. 23 –AUG 22)
Pay attention to business offers; something may catch your eye this week. Apply your analytical skills to a new project.
LIBRA (SEPT. 24- OCT.23)
If you feel things have not worked out around the house, today may be the day to do so. Be open to changing circumstances around you; they are good changes.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23- NOV. 21)
The spotlight is on your partner this week, so go with the flow, be supportive and open to new decisions. Try to finish a project at home this weekend.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22- DEC. 21)
Keep your health in check; try a new form of relaxation on the weekend. I see you breaking into new avenues at work or home.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22- JAN 19)
I see you becoming more of a flexible person in the weeks to come; it may be a good change. Try to bring back simple pleasures in your life.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20- FEB. 18)
Reaching practical goals allow you to reap rewards. Hang on to your possessions and keep boosting your income. Pursue social affairs this weekend.
PISCES (FEB. 19- MAR. 20)
Reach out to company or friends for advice. Now is a good time to treat a good friend to lunch. If you have a chance to get out of town this weekend, do it.
