SpoofSpace
If it’s not a dog’s world, it should be ...
By Steele Coddington | October 21, 2009
A very nice lady who owns several cats cornered me the other day and asked why I always write about my dog Arbuckle. “Don’t you like cats?” I said, “Sure, I just don’t relate to them like I do dogs.” She didn’t think it strange that I talked to a dog, but she wasn’t satisfied with my answer and accused me of discrimination. “You’re a cat racist.” I tried to explain that if I was a cat racist, all my dear kids would probably hate cats – but they all own and love cats.
These days you can’t criticize or disagree with any one by race, gender, creed, color, sexual orientation, choice of after-shave, differing avoir du pois, whether bald, republican, democrat, rich, poor, taxpayer, freeloader, union thug, unemployed, innie or outie belly button, or posterior size. If you do, you may be a racist, bigot, pervert, homophobe, or rich and not even know it. Being rich by the way, (unless you work like Charlie Rangel, a democrat and in Congress) is a felony. The fine is an additional tax on your income called a surcharge – to finance a new car for a deadbeat – Another Obama constitutional mandate for spreading the wealth at a cost of about $2.5 billion of your money.
Next week I’m sure someone will accuse me of being insensitive and I will expect a summons shortly from a new Communist Hate Crime Czar (CHCC) in Washington. Can’t we all just not get along? All I want is the idiots in Washington off my back.
Just to please the cat lady I asked my dear friend Arbuckle if he was an animal racist. He said, “No, I like all kinds of dogs, but I prefer Border Collies because they’re smart like I am. I don’t care what color their fur is.” He had a really great Pit Bull friend. Together they used to hunt rabbits, squirrels, birds, rats, cats and cars. But the Pit Bull moved to California with his owner and they soon went broke trying to pay taxes.
Arbuckle is very smart, but it’s his sense of traditional American values I appreciate most. I let him see pictures of Marx, Lenin, Castro, Chavez and Putin. I instructed him to give a Marxist growl if he ever smelled or saw one, so I could make sure they wouldn’t come in the house to claim some of my hard earned wealth belonged to them. We were watching Obama’s Green Czar on TV before he got fired. As soon as Arbuckle saw him, he started the low Marxist growl.
To get a second opinion on whether Arbuckle talks or I just imagine it, I had him analyzed by the famous Dog Psychiatrist in Cave Creek, Dr. Kay Niner. She said it was a combination of both. But she concluded that he was astoundingly clairvoyant when he growled at Obama and his cohorts, Pelosi, Bonnie Fwank, Henry Cap and Tax Waxman and the radical Czars influencing “change” that may raise your total taxes to 70 percent and have a bureaucrat treat your chest pains.
When millions of Americans, many at Tea Parties, sense that there are too many individuals involved in running their country who can’t pass an Arbuckle smell test because their ideologies violently conflict with the Capitalist economic convictions that made this country the greatest bastion of freedom and well-being the world has ever known, it’s time to say “let’s roll!”
Feeling unappreciated lately?
Having a bad day????
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska few years back was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you are having a bad day????
Betty came home to find Jerry in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod.
Are you OK now? – No?
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
And finally!
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m. all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects. Just when the clock struck 11, Kenneth Roberts, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
There now, feeling better, are we?