The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 lbs I’ve gained since then.
The speed with which a woman says “nothing,” when asked “What’s wrong?” is inversely proportional to the severity of the storm that’s coming.
Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.’ If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday …
The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor”.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their noses?
Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet is because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, and of course, Opie — all single. The only married person was Otis. Enough said.
