One liners

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

I changed my password to "incorrect." So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect."

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 percent of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor."

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent."