JANUARY 14, 2015

For lexophiliacs who could really appreciate a good play on words

"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.

Here are some entries:

This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory, which was never developed.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the crop: Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.