Mullet Over


And I thought my phone bill was ridiculous

james k whiteThe TV series “Gunsmoke” featuring James Arness aired for 20 full seasons. The character Matt Dillon (portrayed by six foot six Arness) survived a total of 59 gunshot wounds during the 635 episodes.

Do you have large rodents in your area? The nation of Brazil boasts (or complains) of rodents (capybaras) that weigh in excess of 170 pounds. Should it be later determined that two legged animals are eligible for consideration, unnamed members of congress might establish new maxima in all “biggest rodent” categories.

Diamonds can naturally occur in quite a range of colors: steel gray, white (colorless), blue, yellow, orange, red, green, pink, purple, brown and black. The rarest of the colors is red and it is difficult for the untrained to distinguish a red diamond from a fine ruby. However, some experts maintain that the most expensive diamonds (per carat) are generally classified as “D,” or totally without color. I purchased what I thought was a 5 carat diamond, but have become suspicious since a plastic soda straw scratched the stone.

Denmark has used the same flag design since 1625. This Scandinavian banner is recognized as the world’s oldest flag in continuous use.

Some are aware that particular phone numbers can be purchased. When more than one party desires the same number, bidding wars can result. Case in point: an anonymous person recently purchased the cell # 666-6666 for $2,750,000. And I thought my phone bill was ridiculous.

How long can you hold your breath under water? In 2008 Tom Sietas held his breath an astonishing 17 minutes 33 seconds – and lived. He beat me by 17 minutes 23 seconds.

The very first Admiral in the U.S. Navy was David Glasgow Farragut (1866). Farragut was the one who said “Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!” during the Battle of Mobile Bay (1864). Some claim he said “Dampened tarpons fall on their heads,” but since David was not known to drink excessively, this account has been generally dismissed.

The first radio station commercially licensed in America was KDKA of Pittsburgh, Pa. on October 27, 1920. The station is still on the air. Most of the original broadcasters and staff have left the station for other pursuits.

The Boy Scouts of America have announced that their members can now win a merit badge for robotics. Those earning this badge must design, build and demonstrate a functioning robot. This writer was never a stellar scout – I still use starter fluid to light BBQ charcoal. Have a great week.

James White is a retired mathematics teacher who enjoys sharing fascinating trivia. He can be reached at

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Holy humor

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

"Somebody said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.

He put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

A pastor got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign that read, "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust. "

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with the question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"

A hand  shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.

"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.

"You know – Our Father, who does art in Heaven ... "

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.

"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."

The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."

Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.

He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

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