True story here

doctor daveTrue story here (and these are rare). I’d coaxed ol’ Ichiro, my Toyota Rustbucket, to a law abiding stop at the corner of a busy intersection. Cranking my creaky cranky neck hard to port to check for traffic prior to lunging out into the wilds of downtown traffic, I suddenly felt an explosion in Ichiro’s backside and I was instantly and violently launched onto Main St., somewhat sooner than originally planned. I had been rear ended, but not by an Escort (the car) or a Toyota Tin Can or a 92 year old on a moped, but rather by an armored truck! No guff. Stunned, more than usual, I got out of my car to survey the remains of my rear end when two guards got out of the Brinks, with guns! “Hey listen,” I urgently urged, “If you keep those guns holstered, I’ll say it was my fault, heck I’ll say I was drunk.”

Now, though a Sherman tank had tried to mate with my Toyota, I honestly wasn’t upset as these fender benders are seldom intentional, hockey parking lots excluded. And though I wasn’t hurt or upset about my first ever MVA, or at least the first one I hung around for, I noticed my hands were actually shaking like Mohammed Ali working a Jack Hammer after a few Nabobs. I was quite studious of my involuntary fight or flight reaction and as fleeing was not an option I decided to take a swing at the 7’4” guard’s jaw and ...

I know, I promised a true story.

Alright, fact was, I felt no pain until later that night when my neck began to stiffen. By morning I felt like I’d been hit by an armored truck which is apparently not all that unusual when you’ve been hit by an armored truck. My left arm was now buzzing and tingling and my left shoulder was not an overly happy shoulder.

I called my doctor, who in his kind, considerate manner suggested that “You’re a doctor, what do you need me for?” obviously forgetting it is illegal for a doctor to prescribe himself heavy duty narcotics. 

I called my lawyer who, realizing he didn’t have to run down and post bail again for prescribing myself heavy duty narcotics, was actually excited to hear from me.

“A Brinks truck? Really?? Dave, this is a sign from God!”

Now this is often where the games begin. Over the years I have seen a trumpzillion patients with whiplash, a condition where your intestinal whipworms get jerked so hard that their eyelashes fall off.

Most of you who are hurtin’ a couple of weeks after an accident are legit but there are some of you who are faking it. I have news for you...we know. How, you ask? Well I shan’t tell you all of our secrets but simply put, we are watching you, and not only via surveillance with the Nano Oompa Loompas with their NanoNikons we surreptitiously insert into your ear when we examine you. We watch how you react as you perform certain tests to see if the pain you’re expressing is consistent with the injury. We also have methods to determine exaggeration, which again, I could tell you about, but I won’t.

But what I can reveal is the truly objective findings, such as palpable inflammation, are something we can detect over the injured areas and not in uninjured areas. Muscle spasm, range of motion and fixation of the joints cannot be effectively faked. In fact, there was a study done in which a set of doctors treated patients which included real whiplash victims and "ringers" who were not injured but trying to fake a whiplash. In not a single case were any of the doctors fooled.

Another unusual study found that rodeo riders who suffered whiplash in a car accident actually got better and returned to work twice as fast as non bronc busters. And “returning-to-work” it isn’t exactly riding a steno chair or light duties on a Brahma bull. Is this because they are better athletes to start with or because they are just tougher or because of both? Well undoubtedly, if we are already a flimsy weak - necked Ichabodish Crane type we might take a lot longer to get better. 

So when you are doing your regular resistance workouts, don’t forget your neck.
Personally, I felt like I was getting better but my lawyer thought he noted I had more blackheads than before and I was dressing more and more like Lady Gaga. He also, very perceptively, deduced I was suffering loss of enjoyment of life in that he noted I hadn’t bungee jumped naked a single time since the accident. Well, of course not, F. Lee. Wouldn’t want to get whiplash.

Contact Dr. Dave or

JUNE 29, 2011

Graves’ Disease Support Group meetings announced

grave logoAutoimmune Condition has made headlines as hip-hop artist Missy Elliott speaks out about her 3-year battle

The Graves’ Disease & Thyroid Foundation will host a series of summer support group meetings for patients and family members.  Meetings will be held from 2:30 to 4 p.m. at the Scottsdale Public Library’s Mustang branch book discussion room, 10101 N. 90 St., Scottsdale, AZ 85258.  Upcoming dates are as follows:

Saturday, July 16th
Saturday, August 20th
Saturday, September 10th

Graves’ disease has made headlines recently, as hip-hop artist Missy Elliott revealed that she has been battling the condition since 2008.  Ms. Elliott will be featured on the June 29th episode of VH-1’s “Behind The Music”.

Graves’ Disease is caused by a defect in the immune system in which antibodies attack the thyroid gland, often resulting in hyperthyroidism.  Symptoms of hyperthyroidism include weight loss, rapid heart beat, shortness of breath, muscle weakness, fatigue, insomnia, and heat intolerance.  Similar antibodies may also attack the skin on the front of the lower leg and the cells behind the eyes, which can lead to dryness, tearing, “bulging” eyes, double vision, and in rare cases, vision loss.  Complications of improperly treated Graves' disease can include heart failure, osteoporosis, severe emotional disorders, and thyroid storm, which can be fatal.
Support Group meetings are open to all patients with Graves’ Disease, Thyroid Eye Disease, and other thyroid-related disorders.  Friends and family members are welcome to attend.  Meetings are FREE, but RSVPs are requested.  Please contact Kimberly Dorris at 480-661-1169 or e-mail

For more information on Graves’ Disease, please visit