Mullet Over


The shortest song ever to be number one

mullet over by james k whiteSome Chinese farmers near the city of Danyang in the Jiangsu province have been using a special fertilizer called forchlorfenuron (CCTV). On several crops the CCTV (apparently different from regular TV) works well, but on watermelons the growth stimulator has been working weirdly. Thousands of the melons have been described as "exploding" when the interior of the produce grew faster than the outer rinds could expand. Farmers claim that while no injuries have been reported, hundreds of acres of watermelon produce have been lost as a result of the phenomenon.

In April of 2011, some excavators unearthed a 43 foot statue of Amenhotep III in Egypt. The structure is estimated to be more than 3,000 years old and is thought to have a twin statue nearby. Excavators are alert for another 43 foot statue.

Almost two million people have already applied for tickets to the 2012 Olympics in London, England. Currently, I am "unlikely" to be a contestant at those particular games.

Horse racing takes a toll on horses. Statistics indicate that the odds are 10:1 that at least one horse involved in this year's "Triple Crown" events will suffer a career-ending injury during the competitions.

A new product on the market is one that can be located almost any place on a lawn and wirelessly activate specific sprinklers whenever sensors detect low moisture levels in nearby soils. The intent is to save lawns as well as our increasingly precious water supplies.

I have seen messes on roadways, but the March 9, 2011 spilling of approximately 16,000 pounds of industrial printer's ink (blue, red and yellow) near Boston may have been the messiest. Thank goodness the ink is not believed to be toxic. After efforts with sand, detergents, etc. were unsuccessful in removing the stains, the whole affected interstate area was removed and the section was repaved.

That famous dance scene with Gene Kelly in "Singing in the Rain" used neither rain nor even plain water, as both were almost invisible when filmed. Someone suggested adding milk to water and "bingo." The water-milk formula has been used in numerous subsequent films to simulate rain.

The shortest song ever to be number one on the U.S. pop charts was "Stay" (by Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs) in 1960. The entire track lasted only one minute and thirty-seven seconds. Well, use caution when selecting melons from the Jiangsu province – and have a pleasant week.

James White is a retired mathematics teacher who enjoys sharing fascinating trivia. He can be reached at

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The polite way

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first two holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow then revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.

The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them.

An English lesson

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that's easy to understand.

Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. I beg to differ because, there is:

When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE."
When you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED!"

But when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... "COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

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