Mullet Over


mullet it over by james k white

The fine poetry I studied in school

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Biologists have unveiled a study that indicates domestic hogs not sent to markets can live for 20 years. The information is slightly surprising, but even more amazing is that the same study indicates that feral hogs not meeting violent ends are quite capable of living 27 years.

In the movie “Romeo + Juliet” starring Leonardo DiCaprio, there is a scene towards the conclusion of the film where Romeo (DiCaprio) lies dead. Somehow it slipped by the editors that the “deceased” Romeo blinked.

In the 1820s the Missouri legislature devised a method to increase population growth and bring a few bucks into the state coffers. A tax law was passed that required bachelor residents to pay a special annual fee. In some instances, I would imagine it was easier to pay the assessment than it was to become espoused.

Amongst the fine poetry I studied in school was one about “Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold …” and I had wondered what porridge was. I will share that porridge is made by boiling legumes (peas, beans) or grains (oats, wheat, etc.) in milk and/or water. Porridge made from coarsely ground corn yields a Southern favorite known as grits. In what may be a stretched connection: John Wayne won his only “Best Actor” Oscar for a movie entitled “True Grit.”

Most pianos have 88 keys – 52 are white and 36 are black. I can play a splendid rendition of “Chopsticks” using only the black keys. However, my wife seems unimpressed.

Talk about something totally misnamed – the English horn was not invented in England and it is not a horn. The instrument is a woodwind – somewhat like an oboe (not to be confused with “hobo”).

The first “Frankenstein” movie was produced by Thomas Edison and was released in 1910.
Hollywood star Elizabeth Taylor made her film debut in 1942 in a motion picture entitled “There’s One Born Every Minute.” She was only 10 years old.

During the 1600s, wives in America gave birth to 13 children, on average. A family was considered fortunate when more than half of the children survived until adulthood.

It was in 1690 that Denis Papin introduced the “steam digester.” This invention was later to be called a pressure cooker and launched a new era in food preparation and preservation. Well, I sincerely hope that your place of employment is not known as a “pressure cooker” and that you enjoy a pleasant week. (

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Cowboy rules for: Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho, Oregon, Washington and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
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1. Pull your pants up.  You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 & I-80 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 & I-5 go north and south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah...We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards – it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1! 

The author is anonymous until he or she comes forward, at which time we shall happily publish attribution.

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Your Horoscope by Madame Bournard

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ARIES (MAR. 21 - APRIL 19)
Impatience or hasty actions can lead to trouble in your life, so take it slow and think things through. Some money news may be positive for you soon.

TAURUS (APR. 20 – MAY 20)
Make decisions at and about your home. Good friends may be in order, maybe have a small supper with some of your most trusted friends.

Make some entertainment plans, maybe theatre tickets. You are a bit tired of being home and feel like blowing off some steam; getting out will be good for you.

Stay away from people too strong willed, or too independent, you need more stability now in your life. You may have some luck on the domestic scene.

LEO (JULY 23- SEPT. 22)
Strong-willed personalities make your life more interesting and super charged. Family pressures come into your life, with all kinds of new drama.

VIRGO (AUG. 23 –AUG 22)
You are being too cautious with your thoughts and emotions lately; talk them out. Make some new business contacts, work on boosting your income.

LIBRA (SEPT. 24- OCT.23)
Independence and originality are your strong points this week. Meet some new people and try to keep your positive mood for those around you.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23- NOV. 21)
A new project, or opportunity may enter your life. Don’t give up on the job search; keep sending out those resumes. Your interactions with people are strong.

You’re mentally sharp and creative this week, good time for you to learn new things. Keep up with good health habits; you need to stay strong.

Your home-related affairs and financial situation keeps you busy and could turn some business into a profitable situation. Stay attentive to a loved one.

Home is a good place to be for you to rest and regroup, much has been happening in your life. Your stubborn mood needs to be relinquished.

PISCES (FEB. 19- MAR. 20)
Good communication this week will help your domestic affairs. This can lead you into also helping a friend in need with your calm manner.