BY JAMES K. WHITE | JULY 14, 2010
Cats and dogs normally walk differently
Places in the “Old West” were sometimes sites of unwanted excitement. For instance, one source indicates that the first 26 graves dug at Virginia City, Nevada were needed for murder victims. There was reportedly a small celebration when the first “natural causes” demise transpired. Twenty-six to one seems like lousy odds to this not-very-courageous scribe.
Alexander Castle was the principal designer of the ill-fated luxury liner Titanic. He later recalled that in conferring with the owners as the ship was being built, life boat capacity was discussed for five minutes and ship decoration details were discussed for hours.
One need not travel far in order to achieve fame. In the 1600s, two of the most famous people in England were William Shakespeare and Queen Elizabeth I. Both are known world-wide even today though neither ever set foot outside of their native land.
Lest we forget the sad plight of the passenger pigeon: This species numbered in the billions in the 1800’s and was undoubtedly the most populous bird in North America – possibly in the world. Flocks would sometimes take hours to fly over and the skies would be darkened as they migrated. The last passenger pigeon died in 1914 in a Cincinnati zoo as desperate efforts to locate a mate had failed and the species became extinct.
How effective are your brakes? Scientists claim that the African eagle can go from a swoop at 100 mph to a complete stop in a distance of 20 feet.
In 1655 concerned citizens in Holland conducted a lottery to help those in need of food and shelter in what is now New York.
Cats and dogs normally walk differently: the canine will move a front leg in harmony with the rear leg diagonally opposite. Cats move both legs on the same side at the same time.
Speaking of leg movement, I must mention the jackrabbit. It is not unusual for one of these mammals in full stride to take several consecutive leaps of fifteen feet or more.
Horses were not commonly used to pull plows until the twelfth century. The problem was one of choking the animals. The invention of the horse collar signaled a great improvement in farm production.
Packs of wolves presented very real threats to people occupying Europe in centuries past. Written notations dated 1420 and 1438 refer to wolf packs on the hunt as the predators prowled the streets of Paris at night.
Well, think twice before racing a jackrabbit – and have a great week.
Embarrassing medical exams
A man comes into the ER and yells ... ‘My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.’ I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs – and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'... I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' ... replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, Washington
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg-Manitoba, Canada
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?' I asked. 'The patch ... the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair-Norfolk , Virginia
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered ... 'Why, not for about twenty years – when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, Oregon
I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked ... ' So how's your breakfast this morning?' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste. Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced. A foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf-Detroit, Michigan
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered ... It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read ... 'Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry ... had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name
As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams ... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard ... No doctor but the song you were whistling was ... 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
One more …
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied. 'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.
Reprinted from www.doctorshobbies.com/JokeDocs.htm.
Your Horoscope by Madame Bournard
ARIES (MAR. 21 - APRIL 19)
Lots of social activities for you to attend this month. If you’re single, you may be hearing some official news concerning your future.
TAURUS (APR. 20 – MAY 20)
There will be more emphasis on your family this month. You will take the time to spend with the ones you love most in this world. Stay focused on sensitivity.
GEMINI (MAY 21 –JUNE 20)
Some problems at work may be the result of a misunderstanding or a hold up on some progress. No need to let it ruin your week. Go to an upcoming party.
CANCER (JUN 21 – JULY 22)
The solar eclipse on the 11th leaves some remaining magnetism which will draw people to you. Be alert on the job so as not to be blindsided by a coworker or a new boss.
LEO (JULY 23- SEPT. 22)
You don’t believe in a “perfect mate.” However you may experience unexpected magic in your life with someone special who may change your mind.
VIRGO (AUG. 23 –AUG 22)
Start going through clothes closets and miscellaneous closets too. Donate things you no longer use or need! Cleaning up will also make your life less complicated and centered.
LIBRA (SEPT. 24- OCT.23)
The Solar eclipse brings changes around you, possibly new people with fresh minds with whom you enjoy pleasant time together. Pick up a new book and spend some time reading.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23- NOV. 21)
A confidence, ego-boosting month for you Scorpios! It’s about time. Between work and home your mood hasn’t been all that great! Be informed about happenings around you. Stay alert.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22- DEC. 21)
Uranus in retrograde gives you a second chance for a last minute reunion or meeting. Beware of superiors trying to put you on the chopping block.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22- JAN 19)
Many decisions may be required this week and even as long as a month involving a relationship, job, moving or other change. A long weekend of much needed rest will help.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20- FEB. 18)
Check out all facts before proceeding on any changes in your life. Neptune gives you a reality check when your head is in the clouds and puts things right.
PISCES (FEB. 19- MAR. 20)
There will be some high stress levels for you this month Pisces! You may have it out with a good friend or significant other who needs to change or leave!