Mullet Over
Water intoxication

By James K. White | May 5, 2010

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MULLET OVER BY JAMES K WHITEThe largest military invasion of America occurred in 1776 when the British invaded New York City. More than 400 British ships were involved in the operation which made the English war vessel assemblage their greatest effort until D-Day, 1944. Washington’s troops retreated down an old Native American/animal trail that was later the path of the now famous Broadway.

One can indeed drink too much water. Although incidents are rare, humans do occasionally overdose on water causing “water intoxication” resulting in severe cerebral and pulmonary edema. Some marathon participants have suffered fatal episodes of water intoxication.

Astronomers claim that billions of stars exist in our universe. If there were somehow a highway from earth to the nearest star (not counting our sun), a mythical car might travel at 100 mph for 28 million years and still not quite reach the star (Proxima Centauri).

Whilst we are learning new information: the origin of the word golf was never an acronym for “Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden.” Most likely “golf” was derived from a Dutch word meaning club.

Be careful when you frown. A group of scientists have discovered that frowning approximately 200,000 times causes a “permanent” wrinkle. I say “permanent” because of botox, etc.

Another recent scientific claim is that women who are vegetarians give birth to significantly more girls than boys.

This is a case of “perhaps he was correct about the garment:” In 1657 a priest in Tokyo decided that his kimono brought bad luck, so he decided to destroy the cloth thingy with flames. The consequential fire that the “pious” man set quickly got out of control, resulting in the destructions of several thousand buildings and the deaths of at least 100,000 people.

The “life” of a deck of playing cards in Las Vegas Casinos is usually 2 to 5 hours and is determined by the discretion of the professional dealers. Discarded decks are drilled with identifying holes and often sold to tourists.

In Duluth, Georgia, it is illegal to litter on one’s own property. (Ordinance of 9-24-70 (#4), Section 19).  I wonder whether the law would exclude a mommy dog having puppies (littering).

I have several times read that the first Olympics held in Greece occurred in 776 B.C. What I had not previously known is that the only competition of record at this first Olympics was the 200 yard dash. I didn’t even know they used “yards” back then. Well, use caution when destroying unlucky items and have a great week.

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All teachers were reprimanded
These are actual comments made on students' report cards:

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. 

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Your Horoscope by Madame Bournard

ARIES (MAR. 21 - APRIL 19)
Check out real estate, talk to influential people, your business goals may take a boost. Acting on impulse can cause accidents.

TAURUS (APR. 20 – MAY 20)
A home problem needs to be attended to this week. Make sure you hang around people who are happy and optimistic; it will be better for your health.

You may be invited to a social function that you really enjoy going to. You may also get a compliment.  Keep your sense of humor, it is most important.

There is a lot of social buzz, but keep it to a few close friends. It's a good time to keep a low profile with friends and colleagues around you.

LEO (JULY 23- SEPT. 22)
Try to think before acting, a strong desire leads to selfish motives. Some business interest may be heightened.  Pursue your close friendships.

VIRGO (AUG. 23 –AUG 22)
Your satisfaction will be achieved if you try to deal up front with all current responsibilities at the office. You may get an interesting offer from a friend.

LIBRA (SEPT. 24- OCT.23)
Make some entertainment plans, try to enjoy the company of younger people, to liven up your mood. Consider moving ahead on domestic issues.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23- NOV. 21)
Emphasis is on home and family this week, a good time to enjoy company. A romantic week for you. If you’re trying to win over a mate this is a good time.

Mechanical breakdowns may occur, be careful of any accident trying to do it yourself! Something may happen in your life that makes you enjoy it more.

You’re usually a frugal person, but this week you’re spending money like water. A favorable relationship with a neighbor or friend may be in order.

Progress is on your agenda, and you’re ready to move forward. A generosity expressed can come back to you twofold.

PISCES (FEB. 19- MAR. 20)
Stay away from hotheaded people this week; you don’t need to get yourself all stressed out!  Have faith in your goals you’ve been working on, it will be worthwhile.