SpoofSpace
Home remedies – your defense against National Healthcare
By Steele Coddington | February 3, 2010
Washington’s less than magnificent obsession with National Healthcare has been a calculated, perverted, secret conspiracy to undermine the rich heritage of home remedies, curative proverbs and medical self-help practiced by our ancestors. Our government has plotted to destroy the credibility of highly successful, ancient and honorable medical truths that sustained our forebears in times of sickness and helped people like Ben Franklin live to age 95.This is, of course, going to be considered another conspiracy theory among thousands the government is obsessed with, but one of the few with credible authenticity. Most conspiracy type theories are usually the product of some wacko who has just enough believability or name recognition to enlist gullible advocates who ride the crest of the absurdities they pronounce into millions of dollars in grants, donations, foundations and Nobel Prize awards. Al Gore comes to mind as the epitome of successful originators of spurious theories like global warming that you and I are causing by driving our SUVs.
Amazingly, people believe we are causing global warming in spite of the fact that it has been proven beyond a reasonable doubt that horse and cow flatulence is the real culprit creating earth warming. This reliable conclusion has been published by the government’s own agency, the Federal Air Research Team – with its appropriate acronym. My kids and their friends are all convinced that people who step on frogs are the real culprits of increased methane gas in our air and bedrooms.
But back to the major thesis being considered in this episode of intellectual articulation – that the government is promoting a conspiracy to discredit home remedies and common sense medical truths that have been practiced for generations in order to convince the public that it, our big brother, knows best and whether we like it or not, we need government health care.
Consider all the maladies our ancestors were able to treat with common sense and the practiced wisdom of proverbial truths:
An apple a day will keep the doctor away.
Drink a little wine for thy stomach’s sake.
Distilled spirits are a gift of the gods, confirmed by a recent study in the British Medical Journal’s Heart publication involving 15,500 men – “moderate drinking of alcohol cuts the risk of heart disease by 30 percent.” And if you are hung over, “a little hair of the dog that bit you” is beneficial.
Dark chocolate is one of life’s elixirs. Confirmed by a study at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm. Heart attack survivors who eat chocolate two or more times a week cut their risk of dying by threefold. And my dog Arbuckle, who eats grass when he doesn’t feel well, says he would give up dog bones and fire plugs for more chocolate. He also reminded me of the mental health proverbs:
Dog is man’s best friend.
Nature, time and patience are three great physicians. And as Herb Shriner used to say, “My doctor would never operate on me unless it was absolutely necessary. If he didn’t need the money, he wouldn’t lay a hand on me.”
“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” reminds us to be happy with what we have and leave health care to the private sector.
Paying the bill
It's a slow day in a little Vermont town. The sun is beating down, and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit ...
On this particular day a rich tourist from back east is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.
The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.
The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.
The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything.
However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is conducting business today.