Mullet Over
Use purple crayons for coloring, not for snacks

By James K. White | July 22, 2009

james k whiteIt was in 1952 when hamburger stand owner Glen Bell decided to offer a new 19 cent item to his customers. The new item was a taco and Taco Bell was born. Mr. Bell did not receive a U.S. patent for the taco recipe, but one Samuel Hopkins of Philadelphia did receive the very first U.S. patent in 1790. The Patent No. 1 document was issued for a pot cleaning formula and is signed by a fellow who had made quite a name for himself (George Washington).

The world’s tallest man-made structure is currently listed to be the 4,285 foot drilling rig operated by Shell in the Gulf of Mexico. The platform is anchored to the ocean floor by pipelines and four huge steel tethers.

Jesse Owens was a phenomenal athlete. Aside from his Olympic accomplishments, one has cause to remember that Mr. Owens once set five track world records in approximately 35 minutes. The date was May 25, 1935 and the event was a meet held at Ann Arbor, Michigan. Incidentally, a few hours before the fantastic 35 minutes, Jesse had tied the world record for the 100 yard dash. Phenomenal accomplishments. Speaking of extraordinary physical feats – back in 2001 a very strong weightlifter named Halil Matlu of Turkey weighed only 124 pounds and yet somehow lifted 369 pounds over his head in a maneuver called the clean and jerk. He must practice or something.

Have you ever visited the Emerald Isle (Ireland)? If so, perhaps you also visited Muckanaghederdauhaulia. Muckanaghederdauhaulia is advertised as the site with the longest name in Ireland. The name roughly translates as “pig marsh between two saltwater inlets.”

Crayola Crayon Company reports that the crayon color most used by Americans is black. No surprise there. I recall always using black to outline my fine art works in first grade. I also recall my disappointment in discovering that purple did not taste like grape.

In the United States “the Orient” is commonly used in reference to China and Japan. However, in Europe, “the Orient” usually refers to India.

Our readers might want to give their vehicles a visual inspection prior to driving in the town of Decatur, Illinois. A Decatur law makes it a finable offense to drive a car without a steering wheel.

Well, time flies when I’m having fun. Remember to use purple crayons for coloring, not for snacks and – have a great week.

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To maintain a healthy level of insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice!

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

5. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for alcohol.'

6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.

9. Sing along at the opera.

10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.

11. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I won! I won!'

12. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling 'Run for your lives! They're loose!’

13. Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.'

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity:

14. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.