A Change Of Pace

AD-36 Virus infects government heads

The Daily Express newspaper in London recently reported on a new virus that could shock the obesity world, since maybe a third of the population in the U.S. is estimated to be obese. If you believe the warnings on obesity in the U.S.. . . if half of the population living out west, in places like Phoenix, San Diego, San Francisco, LA, Seattle, etc., all went to the east coast at once, the country would tip into the Atlantic Ocean.

By the way, before explaining this virus story, if you think you are obese, don’t feel bad, because 40% of the people who are obese don’t know they are or what the word means. Authorities used to use the word fat, but the federal word police have decreed that fat, no matter how it is used, is the self esteem equivalent of water boarding. Anyone using the word can be sentenced to com-pulsory government forced feeding or must agree to eat chocolate cake five times a day, to compel the user of the word fat to become fat. An en-dorsement of the liberal theory of taxing the rich so they become better by becoming poorer.

Personally I prefer to become fat on my own. I try not to eat chocolate five times a day, but as a chocoholic my recidivist rate is abominable. It’s not that I object to being described as fat. My resentment is at the politically correct liberal SS troops who have worked their way into the “word world” with a mind control agenda that decides which ordinary words are good or bad. When will their superficial guilt paranoia also forbid words like pleasingly plump, overly avoirdupoised, heavy, big, ample, abundant, chubby or skinny, short, tall, white, black, conservative or muscle bound?

As a kid, one of my best friends was a sumo sized guy we called Tubby – a name he liked better than his real name – Vernon. And we affectionately embraced him as he was – Tubby. His girth (ok fat word) made him a stand-out center on the football team. No one ever heard the word obese then, and I think if I called him obese, he might have sat on me ‘til I said “pleez ged offen me I cand breathe.” Tubby was famous because he could also roll down the big hill behind the old quarry faster than anyone in town. And he also bragged that no one could float on the town lake longer or better than he could.

But back to the newspaper article. The study cited by The Daily Express was by scientists who claim that obesity is possibly contagious and can be disseminated by obese persons through an airborne adenovirus. The research confirms that obesity could be “caught” if you are standing near an obese person who sneezes or coughs. In England, where news of the study was made public, it’s been estimated that one in three obese people may have become that way after infection by the fat virus known as AD-36.

Unfortunately, the disease, and words like obese, fat, engorged, bloated, pork and earmark (new word for fat) have infected the minds of the Administration and Congress, demonstrating that the country’s national debt and the current annual budget was conceived by absolutely incompetent liberal Fatheads.

Stimulus Bill

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his econ-omics professor and says, "I don't under-stand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?"

The professor rep-lied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed.

At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend pro-ject involved his back-yard pool.

They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can."

The student did as he was instructed. The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told. The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.

The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?" The professor mat-ter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper. The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.

However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become wor-ried that his economics professor had gone mad.

The student finally replied, "All we're do-ing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accom-plished is the dest-ruction of what could have been truly productive action!"

The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, "Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill."