A Change Of Pace

SPIT coming your way... Part I

By Steele Coddington | January 28, 2009

(Flash Forward) January 1, 2010: The government’s new Socialized Physicians Involuntary Treatment program (SPIT) was just announced by those liberal media still in business. Much like Vladimir Putin’s Russian propaganda apparatus, they dutifully reported the Democrat National Committee’s press release: “New government universal health care program smoothly implemented.” The story’s lead paragraph blathered on that former Senator Tom Daschle, America’s new health care czar and Secretary of the newly named Health, Affirmative Redistribution of Medicine Department (HARMD) announced that the new socialized medicine program for all the people of the United States, including unnaturalized and illegal immigrants, is now fully implemented.

He also conveyed his thanks to the hard working Congressional majority. Behind closed doors, it was also reported, that the Senate Majority leader joked, “Thanks also to a few pusillanimous progressive Republicans we were able to con into voting with us on this monumental boondoggle.”

The delay in implementing was basically caused because they had trouble finding an appropriate name for the new program. Opponents suggested “Social Transition Involving Compulsory Incompetent Treatment for Older Uninsured Seniors.” But the acronym STICITOUS was found to be unacceptable. Many Senators liked “Socialized Treatment Universal Program Involving Doctors.” But that acronym, STUPID, was deemed to be too close to accurate and was discarded. They finally settled on SPIT, or as the critics labeled the program, “Canada’s Blunder.” There is panic north of the border . . . where will they go now if they need an operation?

Unreported by the DNC propaganda agencies were rather telling interviews with seniors trying to register early for treatment:

Mr. Mulligan, 85, Cave Creek, AZ: “SPIT’s local office told me I wasn’t on the “Priority List” (P list) which determines who gets what treatment if an opening occurs; who gets what drugs; which operations; and the waiting time. Current criteria for qualification as ‘a patient’ will depend on age bracket, ethnic group, political party, campaign contributions (so-called Blagojevich factor) and how many times you say ‘you know’ in 60 seconds.”

SPIT Screener: “The government decides whether you are sick enough to get treatment. Doctors are now just part of the bureaucracy and members of the Government Employees Union. So they do what we tell them. Now what’s your medical problem old geezer?”
Mr. Mulligan: “Well first, the paper work is a pain in the butt. Secondly, could you prescribe some anti depressants?”

SPIT Screener: “OK. So you have a pain in the butt. We can handle that as an out patient. But why are you depressed?”

Mr. Mulligan: “The new socialized health care program, the administration and Congress all cause extreme anxiety and fear.”

SPIT Screener: “That comment constitutes a negative political comment about the government. I’ll have to have a shop steward nurse discipline you for failure to observe protocol. Nurse, put Mr. Mulligan on hold for the P list and schedule him for a DRE.”



Designated decoy

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off – it was a fine, dry summer night – flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'

'I doubt it,' said the truly proud drunk, 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

A tall fishing tale

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.