“Purchased Friday. Totaled Saturday.”

God Bless America

Florida cop engages in slow speed chase

Deputy Bryan Bowman spotted a slow mover on the road – a very slow mover. In fact, says the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC], it was a tortoise. Bowman tried to coax the miscreant off the road, but the testy turtle snapped at him. So the cop got back into his patrol car, turned on the flashing lights atop his vehicle and followed the critter for 20 minutes until the tortoise veered off into the woods. Bowman caught the whole thing on video, which the Marion Country Florida Sherriff’s office posted on Facebook. On the video, the deputy is heard saying: “The nerve of this guy. He’s literally going one mile per hour in a 30 mile per hour zone.”

Costly Joy ride

It was his dream come true when a Virginia man, whose identity police have not revealed, picked up his brand new McLaren 720S. According to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC], the manufacturer says the $300,000 sports car “embodies our relentless quest to push the limits of possibility.” But the next day the proud new owner of a genuine supercar pushed its speed limits and his dream turned into a nightmare. He wrapped the costly car around a tree and totaled it. His injuries were not life-threatening, but his ego must have suffered, particularly when the Fairfax County, VA Police Department posted a picture of the wreckage and this message on Facebook: “Purchased Friday. Totaled Saturday.”

Napping for dollars

If you are 18 years of age or older and enjoy taking cozy, comfortable naps, this paid internship is for you. The Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] reports that Mattress Firm is taking applications for what it calls a “Snoozetern.” The company says that their new “in-house bed tester” must be proficient in napping and will be sleeping on the job for a period of three months.