Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

God Bless America

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

Why wasn’t Jesus born in the USA? Because God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.

Deja Vu – When you think you’re doing something you’ve done before, it’s because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.

The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.