Spoof Space: Put Wurst First

Steele Coddington

It’s been a confusing week trying to distinguish between the importance of decisions and words of the World Health Organization and of the Obama administration. The former “wurst” and the latter “worst” – words used to describe actions of each party that sound alike but with far different meanings. The world Health people issued a warning that eating frankfurters and other stuff in that food family could cause cancer. Germans living in the city of Frankfurt, after which the frankfurter is named, found that hard to swallow. Understandably the city reportedly accused the world Health people of being “Fat-heads at the UN, trying to ruin our sausage industry.”

The confusion was intensified when the word “wurst” was used – that being the German word for sausage and also describes Italian salami, Polish Kielbasa, American “hot dogs” and Obama’s global warming campaign. Another sausage the Germans call “bratwurst” is food that the German kids (brats) love and is suspected by environmentalists of causing children to flatulate excessively, creating a gas that increases global warming. This is patently absurd because most kids (brats) or whatever, in the U.S. and Germany who live in cultured neighborhoods that can afford bratwurst don’t even know the meaning of the vulgar word “fart” because it’s never used in public. Most kids refer to the “accident” politely as “stepping on a frog.” And apologize if such an accidental emission creates a warming trend.

Most of the information I have on the subject of “hot dogs” came from an article in the Wall Street Journal on Nov. 5. It jokingly attributes the American name, “hot dog” to the source of the meat which is a hot dog shaped animal called a dachshund. But I don’t want to alienate dogs that tend to bite your ankles so forget it!

Any article on sausage seems to highlight words like “baloney” and “wurst” which is pronounced exactly the same as the English word “worst.” And “worst” in Presidential terms, used to be employed to describe Jimmy Carter’s tenure as President. But in current “worst” rankings, Carter is an amateur compared to Obama. Peanut farming is an honorable profession, producing food for incredible numbers of people. Along with beer the peanut becomes a national treasure and a patriotic food supplement. This is a staple that can be woven into the words of “America the Beautiful.” Thanks to that honorable profession, Carter has been supplanted in the “worst” Presidential ranking.

Try working a Community Organizer, Progressive, Socialist, Radical, Saul Alinsky acolyte, Liar, or Hillary Clinton (Obama’s third term candidate) into something as valuable as a peanut. The real “worst” is synonymous with the Obama legacy…A Fundamental Transformation of a great America into an economic disaster, a Third World culture corrupted by massive illegal immigration and a military question mark, unable to effectively support our diminishing allies.

We need more “wurst” and less “worst.” We can achieve that by recognizing socialism, and a socialist president is like spoiled meat. America deserves the best wurst – not the worst worst!